Pet Hero

I came across this quiz while browsing Tara Tainton’s blog, and found the results interesting.  I actually ended up having to answer a tie breaker question, since Switch and Experimental came up even for me.  Here’s the full results:

Do you have an inclination for BDSM?
created with
You scored as Experimental(((Note: I haven’t covered all aspects of BDSM in this quiz due to the length the quiz would have to be. It is sex-based because psychological profiles can be complicated and motivations for engaging in fetishes vary with couples and individuals. I have written this category as one of the alternatives because this quiz is to test inclination not a definite interest in BDSM.)))Experimentation is a great place to be. Open-mindedness when it comes to sexuality can open doors and allow you to discover things that you didn’t think you would find engaging. Having such a curious attitude can help you learn more about your own sexual nature as well as the nature of others.

Exhibitionist / Voyeur
Degradation Lover

I think this is probably pretty accurate.  For me, really, being a switch (more on that in a bit) is an expression of my sexuality – as a playful vehicle for self-expression.  I do think of sex as art, in the sense that art is about emotional expression, where technique is important as a medium for that expression.  This is why I sometimes say my life is about sex, although I think this gets misunderstood.  What I mean by that phrase is that sexuality is the most natural way to express the truth of my being, which is the sort of thing that cannot be put into words.  And that nakedness – not only of body, but of mind and spirit – constitutes the closest thing I have to a spiritual path. 

It’s strange; as an INTP, and one who has been in love with the Lady Athena for well over a decade now, one would think the golden chain of reason, or the mental struggles of strategy, would be a more spiritual activity for me.  And I do delight in those things.  But moments where a perfect caress, given at the right moment to open a heart to the truth of a moment, touch me far deeper than anything I can do with my mind. 


And this is why I am a switch, I suppose.  Sexual expression is part of a dynamic between two individuals (I have no experience with threesomes or moresomes, sad to say), and the roles that I take on depend on that dynamic.  In general, I’ve found myself fixed in a particular role.  However, I did have an online relationship with a woman once where we both slipped in and out of roles in the most delightful dance.  Sometimes she would be dominant, and then I would go from being submissive to being dominant and back again in the same session.  It was the most glorious sex I’ve ever experienced, even though we never physically touched.  It is that experience that makes me identify with the so-called “neutral switch” described by Mistress Steel:

The third type of Switch is a split or neutral Switch. Essentially the individual does not appear to favor either a Dominant or submissive role but can openly and freely enjoy both or express both, also moving between roles with no apparent difficulty. I have found this type of Switch to be far less common. The majority of these types of Switches tend to identify themselves as Top’s and bottom’s. They prefer to have relationships which are quite similar to standard vanilla relationships in levels of equality and sharing and express their passion for D/s and BDSM almost exclusively in-scene.

And yet, I do hesitate a little to call myself a switch, because one of the most important lessons I learned was that I am truly submissive, no matter what role I play.


Just as I hesitate to call myself a switch, I sometimes hesitate to call myself a submissive, because I know a great part of my desire to submit comes from self-esteem issues.  I want to be told that I am loved, and cared for, by a dominant because I don’t feel lovable.  I think this is probably true of many who call themselves submissives; their submission is not a strong, proud expression of their nature, but a reaction to the wounds of their hearts.  Having said that, though, I do think that beneath my particular hurts there is a true submissiveness.  I especially feel it as I recite the magnificent words of the Book of the Law, as I do in my heart so often: “My ecstasy is in yours. My joy is to see your joy.”  It is simply my nature to find my greatest pleasure in the pleasuring of others.  And one of the most remarkable things I’ve learned is how even being dominant can be a submissive act.


The lover that I mentioned before liked to call me her pet hero.  As she said, I was her hero who knelt at her feet and belonged to her alone.  It remains my favorite term of endearment.  It also formed the basis for understanding the way we moved between dominant and submissive roles in our relationship.  I came to realize that dominance was an expression of submission, as I fulfilled that role to please her.  Even when I (virtually) tied her up, taking her roughly with my fingers about her throat and telling her that she was nothing but a fucktoy, I was hers, giving her a pleasure she desired.  If she had never had a desire to dominate her, I never would have.


On the other hand, my next lover, also online, was solely and deeply submissive.  This was the first, and to date, only, time I had been in a completely d/s relationship.  It amazed me how even the most mundane things took on a subtle taste of dominance in the context of that relationship.  Still, as enjoyable as it was, and as much as I learned, I found that never being explicitly submissive took its toll on me, emotionally.  True, I still saw being dominant as an expression of that submissiveness, but I needed more.  The relationship ultimately ended for different reasons, but I was guiltily relieved.  I can accept, I think, never playing a dominant role, as enjoyable as it can be, but I have a need for being submissive.


And so I do call myself a Switch, but that’s not really accurate.  I am a submissive, but my submission is, it seems to me, a deeper thing than many other self-described submissives I’ve met.  I don’t fit the standard image of the male submissive at all, and yet, one of my deepest desires is to be the property of a mistress, to kneel at her feet and belong to her alone.


~ by arkhilokhus on April 14, 2008.

3 Responses to “Pet Hero”

  1. Thanks for the quiz. Here is what I got:

    43%Degradation Lover
    18%Exhibitionist / Voyeur

    I also come out as a switch, but like with you, it is masking a slight preference to be submissive. I think you are right that your submission is deeper than for many people; my submissiveness is primarily sexual. With the first woman I was with, I found that I liked her pushing me up against a wall more than I liked pushing her up against a wall.

    I concluded, for a while, that I was a sub. I didn’t really feel any dominant desires. Yet that has been changing as I’ve become more experienced. Either my D/s orientation has been changing as I’ve become less sexually repressed, or how dominant/submissive I feel depends a lot on the person. I have started having dominant desires in addition to submissive ones, and I’ve noticed that more feminine and petite women I feel more dominant, and with other women I feel more submissive.

    Socially and emotionally, I am neither consistently dominant nor submissive. I can definitely relate to your desire to be a “pet hero,” and I think I can imagine what that would feel like. Yet nowadays, that wouldn’t really be what I would want. I wouldn’t want to lose myself or serve another; while I don’t strongly feel dominant, I have a burning need for agency and independence on an emotional and social level. While it would be sexy to serve someone completely, I think the nonsexual parts of such an interaction would fall apart for me if it was sustained outside the bedroom.

    Yet my ambivalence about being dominant has caused a conflict with what I’ve learned from the seduction community: that men must play the dominant role both socially and sexually. I think it is correct that practically I have to assume that a woman is submissive until proven otherwise. Consequently, two questions have been on my mind:

    1. Given that most women appear to be submissive, how should that knowledge influence how I interact with them on a sexual and social level? Many women may want to be dominated in certain ways, but not all women do, the ones that do don’t necessarily like being dominated in the same ways, and not all ways of dominating women are ethical regardless of whether women respond sexually to them or not.

    2. Given that I have some level of submissive desires, how I can I fulfill some of them with women, without being doomed to perpetually play the dominant role or turn women off if my desires make me look effeminate? How do I find atypical women with whom this could happen?

    I have discovered lots of ideas and partial solutions to these questions, but I continue asking them because the case is not yet closed.

    Btw, when you said that you don’t meet the standard image of a male submissive, what do you consider that to be?

    P.S. I doesn’t surprise me that you test as an INTP, and it probably won’t surprise you that I do also.

  2. Hmmm, the formatting for my scores got messed up; let me try this:

    Switch 100%
    Experimental 96%
    Bondage 75%
    Submissive 64%
    Dominant 43%
    Degradation Lover 36%
    Sadist 29%
    Masochist 18%
    Exhibitionist / Voyeur 14%
    Vanilla 11%

  3. Ah, a fellow INTP! I should have guessed.

    I think you may be conflating ideas of dominance and assertiveness. For example, take the stereotypical advice many submissive men are given when writing to a dominant woman. The fact that this advice is given at all suggests an underlying assumption that men, even submissive men, will still be the ones to approach. Understanding this, I think, requires us to make a distinction between initiating social contact, which I consider an expression of assertiveness, and submission, which I understand to be a voluntary obedience to another.

    Even in the context of a relationship, I think one can be simultaneously assertive and submissive. “Mistress, would it please you to have a neck massage while you read?”

    You raise an interesting question, though. How would the approaches you’ve learned from the Seduction Community apply to an assertive woman who approaches you?

    As far as meeting dominant women (and overtly submissive women, too, for that matter), you may want to look into getting involved in the local BDSM scene. I’ve never done so myself, but I understand most local groups have regular munches where new people can come and meet the regulars.

    Also, you know, submissiveness and being feminine are two different animals. I read statements from dominant women all the time saying, effectively, “I want my subs to be more masculine.” But figuring out how to express submission in a masculine way, or masculinity in a submissive way, is a pretty individual thing, I think.

    And my image of the typical male submissive is a combination of masochism and a desire for female-led relationships. And honestly, a lot of the collar etiquette and “pretending to serve you but I really want to manipulate you into fulfilling my degradation fetish” approach seems rather silly to me. Under the right circumstances, I’d like to wear a bracelet symbolizing the ownership of my Mistress, and I guess that’s a good analogy for how I approach such things. Subtle, almost ‘normal’, with just a slight twist that most people wouldn’t even notice.

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